New Features

Some new features have been added to the site, that I would like to draw your attention to. A forum is now available, where you have the possibility of sharing your thoughts on the subject of pornography, asking for help, or whatever it is you want to write in relation to pornography. Also, I have added a poll and would like to invite you to cast your vote to give me an idea where visitors of this site are at in their struggle with pornography. Thanks so much and God bless you!

You do have a choice

Have you ever been in that place? You are using the computer, not doing much in particular. Your mind is not set on indulging in any sexual pleasure - in fact, it may even be something you haven't thought about for days or weeks. Then suddenly a frightfully strong desire comes over you. Maybe it's because of the boredom, maybe it's because of the fact that this is one of those rare occasions where you are alone. In any case, thoughts start flowing (seemingly out of nowhere) and feelings start coming - feelings that compel you to browse to sites you don't really want to visit.

Through my many struggles, I have learned that this is a crucial stage in fighting pornography in your life. What often happened to me was this: without realizing it and before I had even visited any pornographic websites, I had already given in to the temptation. My feelings told me I cannot resist, my mind told me I have been here before and I know what is going to happen. Paralyzed by this realization, my resistance crumbled and I would end up giving in to my Mr. Hyde.

But it doesn't have to be that way!

When these thoughts come, you and I need to remember two crucial things:
1. Just because you had the thought and had the feeling, doesn't mean that you have already given in to the temptation. You have not sinned just by having the thought. Compare it with receiving Spam that is aimed at spreading virusses throughout your PC and thus destroying it. Receiving the Spam does not destroy your computer - opening it does. In the same way, don't worry about receiving the thought - just don't open it!
2. You have a choice. You are not doomed to go down that same road over and over again. When the thoughts enter your mind, you have a choice. THE LIE SATAN WANTS YOU TO BELIEVE IS THAT YOU CANNOT RESIST! And our minds and bodies are so programmed to believe this lie that we oftentimes give in without even offering the enemy a decent fight!

But let's look at the facts: Jesus Christ, God Himself, died on the cross for your sins. Since sin requires the death-penalty, He took the death that should have been ours. We have been given a clean slate by Jesus - a slate that is wiped clean every time we come to Him and confess our sins. What is just as wonderful, though, is that Jesus rose from the grave and proved Himself stronger that death and the sins that He carried. By doing so, He destroyed the power of sin over our lives and gave us the ability to live in victory every day if we only give ourselves to Him.

Through Jesus Christ, you have a choice! The next time those thoughts come - and you and I know they will come - we can recognize the lie and say no. You will find that the thoughts and feelings that have plagued you are not nearly as strong as they said they were. You will find that victory is not a utopian ideal. You will find that you do have a choice.

What do I really want?

Few things are easier in life than deceiving yourself. As humans, we are so quick to betray ourselves and say that we want A, when an honest look at reality will immediately tell us that what we really want is B. I've been in that place many times myself. I told myself I wanted to quit pornography and that I hated the images and video's I saw. But as every vow to quit was followed by defeat, I began to question what I was telling myself. What do I really want?

If you were to make a shallow observation of my life, you would see a deep moral conviction that pornography is wrong - it goes against God's plan for sexuality, it destroys what God has made so beautifully, it destroys my relationship with other human beings, it destroys myself, and most of all, it destroys my relationship with God.

Now, that is what you would see...

Dig a little deeper, however, and you would find a stronger force at work. If I were to be honest with you, I would confess that I like those images. They make me feel good, they draw me like a moth is drawn to a flame. Whenever I think of those images, I am almost irresistably drawn to them. And those thoughts lead to actions - pornography and masturbation. Though I am familiar with the shame that haunts me after the act, it does not keep me from doing it again. I have become a mere animal following its instinct.

But dig a little deeper still - there is more than instinct. Deeper than my moral convictions and deeper than my lust for pornography is another force; once again I have fooled myself. I thought that this lust was what ultimately drove me, but for a second time I have misinterpreted reality. What I truly long for is not to gratify myself with the picture of a naked woman or to see two people having sex. What I want more than anything else is to love and be loved.

And sex is not love. When I say I long to love, I mean that I long to cherish and nurture that other person, to be there completely for her, and to lay down my life for her so that she might be all that she can be. Though this may sound idealistic, I know it can be reality. I know that God has a woman for me somewhere - somebody He is giving to me to love and to be loved by. I know God has a woman with whom I can celebrate sex the way God meant it: because of love and within marriage.

I also know that God wants me to keep myself, my eyes, and my sexuality for her alone. So herein lies the choice: what do I really want? Do I recognize my deepest desires and deny myself so that I can have the best that God has for me? Or do I settle for less, deceive myself, and thereby also destroy myself? What do I really want?

What do you really want?

Feel free to give me your feeback at pornandyou@gmail.com

Welcome - My Story

I did it again...I told myself so many times that I wasn't going to give in anymore. I wasn't going to look at those pictures, enjoy those movies again. I hate it. I want to be free. Free to enjoy sexuality the way God meant for me to enjoy it.

Maybe you recognize these thoughts. I certainly do...they have been mine. I was raised as in a loving, Christian home with godly, Biblical values and ethics. I got to know God at a young age and have always had a tremendous desire for Him in my life. Yet there was this one thing that crept into my life when I was in my teens. It must have started when I was at my friend's house and his mum was watching a sex-scene from a movie. I was fascinated, curious, dumbfounded by the feelings that came alive in me. Masturbation followed. Masturbation became looking at girls in swimwear on the internet, which turned into looking at topless girls online, which turned into watching sex-scenes online.

Do not get me wrong, I was not struggling with pornography 24/7; the struggle came and went. Because I loved God, I always kept on fighting. I knew God loved me and wanted to set me free, but at times that concept seemed so far away. I kept on stumbling and falling...it was the one secret in my otherwise 'examplary' life.

Quite a few years have passed since that moment at my friend's house, and yet I am still faced with the choice every day...the fight to do what I know in my heart is right. Do I choose lust or do I choose purity? I want to please God, follow my conscience...but I also want to give in, because it feels so good.

Sounds familiar? If you struggle with pornography, I know you can identify with what I am saying - even if you don't believe in God. Openness is a great first step to victory, and I hope my openness will encourage you to be open as well. I also have discovered some secrets that I feel could help you to break free from these chains that are binding you.

So I hope you will join me in this journey I want to take with you. Don't be discouraged - defeat is not the end.