Welcome - My Story

I did it again...I told myself so many times that I wasn't going to give in anymore. I wasn't going to look at those pictures, enjoy those movies again. I hate it. I want to be free. Free to enjoy sexuality the way God meant for me to enjoy it.

Maybe you recognize these thoughts. I certainly do...they have been mine. I was raised as in a loving, Christian home with godly, Biblical values and ethics. I got to know God at a young age and have always had a tremendous desire for Him in my life. Yet there was this one thing that crept into my life when I was in my teens. It must have started when I was at my friend's house and his mum was watching a sex-scene from a movie. I was fascinated, curious, dumbfounded by the feelings that came alive in me. Masturbation followed. Masturbation became looking at girls in swimwear on the internet, which turned into looking at topless girls online, which turned into watching sex-scenes online.

Do not get me wrong, I was not struggling with pornography 24/7; the struggle came and went. Because I loved God, I always kept on fighting. I knew God loved me and wanted to set me free, but at times that concept seemed so far away. I kept on stumbling and falling...it was the one secret in my otherwise 'examplary' life.

Quite a few years have passed since that moment at my friend's house, and yet I am still faced with the choice every day...the fight to do what I know in my heart is right. Do I choose lust or do I choose purity? I want to please God, follow my conscience...but I also want to give in, because it feels so good.

Sounds familiar? If you struggle with pornography, I know you can identify with what I am saying - even if you don't believe in God. Openness is a great first step to victory, and I hope my openness will encourage you to be open as well. I also have discovered some secrets that I feel could help you to break free from these chains that are binding you.

So I hope you will join me in this journey I want to take with you. Don't be discouraged - defeat is not the end.