The Road to Victory

Since I started this website in August of last year, I have experienced a lot of ups and downs in my struggle against pornography. I'm sure many of you recognize the scenario of thinking you are beginning to win, only to fail and feel like you have to start all over again. This process is very frustrating and can sometimes lead to a desperation.

In December, some things took place in my life that really made it clear to me that a change needs to occur in my life. Isn't it easy to fool yourself and tell yourself that nobody is really affected by your sin - not even you yourself? Reality tells us that we are selling ourselves short, we are selling our partner or future partner short, and we are affecting the larger body of Christ through our sin. When this hit home last December, a change began to occur in my life. This change came so suddenly that it's almost inexplicable to me apart from the grace of God. All I can say that I realized the consequences of my deeds in a new light and decided it was time for all of this to end.

You know, Ted Haggard didn't just fall. He was a man with struggles that are in one way quite similar to yours and mine. I realized that if I do not deal with my struggles here and now, I will go into ministry because of God's anointing and calling on my life...but I might end up just like Ted Haggard, with a broken family, a broken church, and a broken ministry. Is that a price I am willing to pay for the sake of looking at pornography?

I decided I'm not willing to pay that price. In January, I got into a relationship that has proven to be everything I have ever desired in a relationship and more. We have an openness and a vulnerability that is both rare and extremely valuable. Through this relationship and the openness, God has given me a new impetus to deal with pornography. Instead of giving in to the thoughts that sometimes spontaneously pop into my head, I text or call my girlfriend. Even knowing that she is praying for me in my struggle - even sending the text message in the first place - brings me so much closer to victory and takes the sting out of the lies Satan throws at me.

Because they are lies , my friend. Nothing is more beautiful than for two people to come together on their wedding day and strip themselves of all protection, of all walls, and become as vulnerable and unprotected as anybody could ever be. Sex celebrates that vulnerability and expresses the spiritual and emotional union between two individuals in such a beautiful way. Something like that is not worth putting on the line for a fleeting moment of pleasure. Don't let Satan convince you with his lies.

You can be free - the question is how badly you want it. The question is what price you are willing to pay for your sin. In the past four months, I have fallen twice. To me, this is a massive victory when earlier, I could not go two weeks without falling into pornography. I know I am on the way up. Victory is mine in Jesus Christ. I thank God for the renewed perspective He has given me.